The Garden exists because something about meeting people online is broken in ways that go deeper than any single app. These are our notes on the problem: what the research says, what people actually experience, and where we think the design went wrong.
Burnout isn't a personal failing. It's the predictable output of asking people to judge hundreds of strangers a second at a time — and of measuring success in engagement rather than in anyone actually finding someone.
on connectionThe interface decides more than who you meet. Match two people who know nothing about each other and "hey" isn't a failure of imagination — it's the only move the position allows.
on choiceAbundance was supposed to be the great advantage of dating online. Decades of research on choice suggest it's the central problem — and that scarcity is what makes depth possible.
on lonelinessYou can be watched by thousands and known by nobody. Why visibility doesn't cure loneliness, and why the thing that does can't be scaled.
on intimacyCloseness isn't produced by how much you disclose, but by sequence and reciprocity. Which means the broadcast profile gets the mechanism exactly backwards.
on conversationWhy "hey" fails, what makes an opening message get answered, and how to move past the small-talk plateau without frightening anyone. Practical, with examples.
on endingsMostly it isn't cruelty. It's what happens when a product makes vanishing free and honesty expensive — plus how to end something properly in about a minute.
on privacyYour dating profile holds some of the most sensitive data you'll ever type. What gets collected, why "we don't sell your data" isn't the reassurance it sounds like, and what real privacy design looks like.
on safetyMost safety advice amounts to "trust no one," which protects you from connection as much as from harm. A more useful split: be generous with who you are, careful with where you are.
no swiping · no scores · no being measured